don't say i didn't, say i didn't warn ya. fighting the urge to run far away from any sort of romantic feelings. is that really still who i am? yup. even if i might vaguely admit that i want it, it's too much. i'm still getting myself on track (because that is a never ending job, apparently) and i much prefer being emotionally unavailable. nice guys don't win. that's fucked up and absurd, but it's so much easier to give myself to someone who doesn't want anything back from me.
definitely having a 'want to crawl in a hole and die' kind of day. for no reason. clinging to the present moment because it's flying by and will be over before i know it. is a mid 20s crisis a thing? quarter life crisis? haven't i had a dozen of these already? even as i think i'm getting it together, i'm falling apart. always not seldom. first glimpse of a good thing and i'm backpedaling so hard, trying to escape.